The State of California…

Is still holding my state tax refund, most, unusually longer than most.Which again, of course, puts me in a bind. JC Penny credit card services, Victoria’s Secrets, Nordstroms, Amazon, Sears, Walmart, Khols, Bloomingdales and whoever else I’m currently indebted to keep calling. I’m sick with the flu, and I’m wondering, how am I going to survive. My brother who was just recently released from jail, my younger one, as it turns out, it took less than twelve seconds entirely, for him to begin doping up again. And my eldest brother must mot be too far from this fetch, as he’s nowhere to be found. And you know what, I feel like numbing myself also.But, I’m afraid I’m crossed with the vex of possibility, where would it get me really? I reached out to this man today, I was provided his contact information from a family friend. His name is Alfred Samuels, evidently, he is responsible for coordinating tours for artists across the African continent. Man…if a gal could dream. Well, I’ll be damned. But on second thought, you really won’t believe the crux of the welfare system that I’ve been involuntarily caught up in. It sure is easy to be, “Caught UP”. The County of San Diego had the nerve to send me a letter saying that I should provide reasonable justification as to why I fell into non-compliance with my WTW-Program. Boy, you should have heard what I recorded using my phone voice recorder, just to ensure I had an easier time writing out a letter that will be sent out today! I’ll try and see if I can upload that audio clip for you later…untill then!

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I checked to see if Mercury Was in Retrograde Again…

As it turns out, it was not. Imagine that. I’ll tell you what, I’ll imagine that its possible to experience the effects of a thing, before the thing happens because for me, in this moment, everything is in disarray. The department of health and human services for the county if San Diego abruptly discontinued my benefits of Calfresh and Calworks. And without a job,without childcare and without a significant other or a partner, or even another cooperative, responsible parent in mutual partnership, to share this responsibility of child rearing with.I’m afraid without welfare the spectacle of well being looks grim. That is why I’m starting this blog today. I need a platform to somehow document the chaos of the deflated liberties of my current circumstances. And thank God, this platform enables you to say something for free.I really have good ideas and big plans, but in 28 years old and I’m afraid I feel behind.I cried today,I straight up broke down. I told my uncle, “I think I need meds”. I said that I couldn’t see ” the bright side” and basically I’d lost all desire to be apart of society at all anymore. I told him I was seriously thinking of moving to the village. I’m not sure what I’ll become without welfare. But to be plain, it wasn’t working for me a this anyways. Quite a shame really, the frivolous function of the social welfare system is defunkt and in need of serious reform.But so is my mind. I had a serious thought today.I asked myself, how do I think positive? Its 10:04 pm, I need to wake up early tomorrow. I’m sick and also, I’d like to cry…